Where I am...

One thing we all go through in life is that whether we want to believe it or not, our lives affect others around us. I don't like this fact at all. I am also at a point where I realize that although it does affect them, it doesn't change where I am.
I am living my life...and I am doing it the only way I know how. You may have concerns sometimes about how or why I do the things I do, but you just have to trust that I am doing what I think is right. I don't do things recklessly...I grew out of that in 2001...haha!
I am in a place where things may not be exactly clear and that is scary, but I am learning to cope with that. As a girl who likes a plan and wants to know what lies ahead this little change of things has been the hardest to deal with. I wanna know what tomorrow looks like and five years and ten years etc. Well...right now it is a blank canvas and it is making me insane one minute and a little excited the next. Not knowing can be freeing in some ways, but I have to say the fear of it takes away the excitement rather quickly.
I am living life. I am enjoying every little piece I can. More so than I did before. Sadly I took moments and days even for granted...how ignorant of me. A friend told me recently that any day you wake up is reason to be excited. So true. I failed to live like that but am sincerely trying to.
I am learning how to be brave, getting more confidence each and every day, I am back at work and loving every minute. Fact is...I am a good worker. I love to teach, I love to do a lot of things...I think I like to feel needed. Whether that be to do a job, to be a friend, to make something, contribute...whatever...feeling needed is my largest desire right now. So hit me up if you need me...lol.
I am aware of what is going on...I am aware that two little lives are in the mix. I am aware that everything I do affects them...that is always on the front of my mind. I know my family is affected, and I even realize that my friends are being affected. Oh how appreciative I am of those who are brave enough to love me through it. I have said it before and I will say it again...you have no idea what weight a harsh judgement can have and how hard it may be to get over.
I am in a good place if you can believe that considering all that is going on. God has managed to make things fall into place around me that reminds me that "even when I can't see...I STILL BELIEVE!" I am good. I am happy.