Why oh Why!

I was reminded today that my blog has been neglected. So here I am with much to say! First off my life has been sort of a journey of peaks and valleys and sometimes those things actually coincide. Strange I know but true. I can be experiencing utter disappointment and hate revolving around a part of my life I wish I could escape, and yet at the same time be happier than ever with where I am headed and who I am with. Truth is that until today I had actually been on a peak for a solid week with nothing on my mind but the sheer amazement of answered prayers and the unexplainable excitement of being engaged to my very best friend and my first love, only real love and my last love! Although days like today may creep in its knowing what lies ahead that makes things worth it. I have tried so hard to do this or that "right". Well now I sit and wonder what do I know about what is "right"? I mean all my efforts turn to crap and then there I am going...hmmm...what just happened. The. I realize when you are dealing with people with questionable morals, secrets, vivacious minds...no good will come from playing nice. It is now time to play even. I won't stoop. I will not lie. I will. It cheat. I will NEVER play their game...but what happens now is that I won't be nice, I won't protect them, I won't be quiet, I won't let this go! I hope one day my girls will know the truth of it all. I hope they will know from my army of friends and family fighting on my behalf how nice I tried to be, how much I struggled, how much I sacrificed, how much I held back when I wanted to rage forward, how much I kept inside for fear anyone may know how much I want to play their game. It know in my heart I can't and won't. Nope. I will walk away from this war with my integrity which they lost long ago. My oh my...ready to sleep and dream of happy days with the one I love and leave the stress of battle for another time. Life truly is short. Every day counts. I hope we all fight for what we believe but do it right and you will be rewarded. Love the ones you cherish...everyday...no matter what. When they may seem unlovable that is when they need it the most. Actions are better than words when you show love...but words can whisper straight to your heart leaving an imprint for day and years. Say what you feel and show how you love...always!