What Do I REALLY Deserve?

I like to think I am a down to earth simple girl with very few expectations from life. I don't know why I am not a "diva" or a "high maintenance" kind of girl. Maybe I should be...maybe I could be...but I am not.
I think there are a few reasons behind my low-key demeanor:
I was a tom boy of sorts growing up. I played outside all day...got dirty...wasn't afraid to endure some pain for the sake of adventure. I was a gymnast...we are the kind of girls that literally rip the skin off our hands and yet keep doing it. We fall and get back up, we hurt but try again. So this is probably a good start on my lack of girly intuition.
I was never good at girly to be honest. I mean...I had gigantic curly hair that required a comb and gel for the whole first 1/3 of my life...sheesh in college when I cut it all off and had to straighten it I had to buy all the stuff! What? So this started my limited knowledge of beautification. I am not gonna lie...I still don't think I have that down but heck I give it my best shot! Ha!
Also, I was raised by the most non-materialistic woman ever! I admire her in soooo many ways, but my favorite is knowing she could afford to live one way but CHOOSES another. I love it! She also wasn't afraid to be brave when needed and even be harsh of needed. Never did she turn away someone needing help. She was and is an example of living small and loving large.

So what does all this matter? You are probably asking...who cares if you are girly or not...who cares of you are a diva or not. Well, I am in a place where I wonder. I wonder if I sometimes end up in the trenches trying so hard while those with bigger demands seem to be watching me. It may not be accurate but sometimes it feels sooooo true. I have witnessed the same thing in guys too...the ones who live modest and work hard get punched and the egos seem to skim on through. So what does all this mean?

Well, I wonder what do I really deserve in this life? And what does anyone really deserve? Are we deserving of anything? I feel blessed beyond measure in sooooooo many areas of my life. In those areas I feel almost guilty because I know so many would love to be on my shoes in those regards...I have two beautiful daughters who will surely take this world apart, my family is amazing...my mom, brother and grandmother have always ans will always love me regardless where I am in this life, I have FRIENDS...real true friends that care: they cry when I cry and celebrate when I celebrate, they love me when I am the worst version of me and for that I am soooo incredibly greatful. I don't know of I deserve all these blessings...and on that note I don't know that I deserve the hands I have been dealt in this life that weren't so stellar. Yet, when I question that I feel prideful or wrong. I can't question my journey...I can't question what has led me to today. Today I am okay...I am learning, growing, changing. I have much to be thankful for in this weird journey...a reunion specifically that honestly only God could have orchestrated. Doors opening at just the right time. A special someone gave me a quote a few months ago saying that 'often times God opens a door to greatness but we are too busy staring at the closed door to notice"...I so don't want that to be true of me. I hope I have kept my eyes forward to the beautiful hope that lies there. What better way to thank God for his blessings than to accept them and cherish them.

I think I deserve happiness. I think I deserve a break from trying so hard. I think I deserve a chance. I think we all deserve hope. I don't think anyone deserves trials and tribulations but I will say that walking through the storms sure makes you notice and appreciate the rainbows!!!